


If the world should end tomorrow, then we only have today

by rebecca_rose



Series: in chan's bunk [4]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bang Chan is Whipped, Chan thinks romance is candles and flowers, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Rimming, Smut, True Love, Unsafe candle use, am I going to tag that on every fic in this series, and Felix doesn't correct him, yes I am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:09:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27807349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebecca_rose/pseuds/rebecca_rose
Summary: “Um. Ok. Um, I want a dog someday. A big one. Or two. What about you? Do you think, maybe, you’ll ever want… dogs?”--In which Felix clearly doesn’t know how far Chan has already fallen.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Series: in chan's bunk [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012026
Comments: 48
Kudos: 396





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Every Kind of Way" by H.E.R!
> 
> This one is NOT anything special, but there were a few conversations that I had stuck in my head and I had to get them on paper! Enjoy~  
> <3 <3

Chan felt buzzed, a little too energized, suspiciously excited, for more than a few weeks after he and Felix first laid it all out on the table.

He swore everything was brighter: the sunrise through his bedroom window nearly blinded him and exposed previously unseen nooks and crannies, like the empty space on Felix’s bedside table where he used to lay his phone at night. The trees along the sidewalk outside their building were never so green, he thought, their leaves so slick and reflective and alive. His heart had never beat so strongly, nearly bursting from his chest. Surely he wasn’t this tireless before, this _happy_. He’d had his share of joyful moments, of course, but now he was walking around like an idiot with a grin on his face.

Every time he saw Felix, no matter the context, he felt a jolt in his gut. Part disbelief, part tongue-tied adoration, part _dirty-little-secret_ giddiness. A lot of the time they were in public, around their staff or within view of eagle-eyed cameras, so Chan simply looked and rode out the happiness bubbling up into his brain.

In their rare alone time together he felt positively spoiled. He could look _and_ touch, and he could actually say all the stupid things his brain spat out whenever it took in those wide eyes, the scattered freckles and indulgent smile, the slim hips, the soft little hands that made Chan’s thoughts go fuzzy -- the full package that was Felix Lee, sincere and kind and funny, all wrapped up in the prettiest boy he’d ever seen. To hold him close as he drifted off to sleep, running fingers through his hair, feeling how he clutched at Chan even as he dozed... It was so unbelievable that it almost felt illegal, like he should be ashamed.

He wasn’t ashamed. He was glowing with it, it was oozing out of every pore and every word he spoke.

Of course, life still happened. He had to work just as much as before, because to the rest of the world, nothing at all had changed. They were left to carve out time in the liminal spaces between obligations. He went from furtively watching Felix bake while trying to answer work emails at the table (the apron was unfortunately, like, a _thing_ for Chan) to actively participating, happy to be a human appliance and take over all the tiring, repetitive steps (it was worth it for the way Felix so openly appreciated his biceps when he was mixing cookie dough). They chatted blithely as usual in the endless van rides, inconspicuous from the outside but imbued with meaning that sparked and sizzled in the air between them.

And, of course, they lay a breath apart under the cover of darkness, when he could run a hand from knobby shoulder to bent knee and back up again, feeling the heat of his skin.

After about a week of snatching small pieces of time together like that, Felix made it abundantly clear that he wished Chan would work less, and he gave just about the best motivation to go to bed at a decent hour. It would be impossible to forget the simultaneously shy and lascivious way he’d taken what he wanted -- impossible to forget what he’d asked for, what he’d been wanting so much that he braved his own reticence. 

Ever since then, when he was hunched in front of his laptop at the studio and rubbing his bleary, dry eyes, all Chan could see in his mind was Felix laid out with legs spread and the backs of his thighs covered in hickeys, his (quite honestly _perfect_ ) ass taking center stage like it was the grand prize.

That was the night he learned about the sunburst of freckles above Felix’s left buttock, and he hasn’t been the same since. Sometimes he felt like he was really going mad; he hadn’t been so horny since he was an awkward middle-schooler who didn’t know how to deal with his own boners. 

Only a couple times had they managed to get each other off, like the time Chan had joined Felix’s shower without a word and dropped to his knees, sucking him off slowly as if he had all the time in the world, hot water pounding against his back, a trembling thigh in each hand. A few days later, when Changbin was up late watching TV in the living room, Chan held Felix against the bed and ground his hips down hard while they panted into each other’s mouths and tried not to moan. Chan came as soon as Felix gasped his name against his cheek, voice shaking and hips thrusting uncontrollably.

Even on days when all they could do was look, he was a man in love, a man walking every step in bliss. He was a man who had a million things to worry about, a man who purposefully ignored some of those things in favor of filling his head with Felix. What was the point of stressing over a Dispatch exposé that might or might not happen? Whenever he felt the burn of apprehension in his gut, he had to remind himself: he had Felix, and no one could make him let go. 

Simple as that.

~

_“Which member is the most romantic?_ ”

The interview had been mind-numbingly standard, and Chan focused on giving his answers the sheen of spontaneity, as if he hadn’t answered them a hundred times already. When the question of romance came up, however, he stumbled a little.

Felix was the obvious answer; he was the type to think of others, the type to come up with a special gift or activity to make someone’s day. He also loved when others thought of him and went out of their way to make him happy. If he were in a relationship, _of course_ he would want to be romanced--

_IF he were in a relationship?_

Chan couldn’t help but notice how quickly Felix chose Minho, without having to think. Of course, they’d made an agreement to not be obvious on camera, which included choosing other members when questions like this came up.

But the honest truth was that Chan wasn’t the most romantic guy in the world. He was too damn busy, first of all. And their love felt so inevitable, so easily presumed, that it hadn’t occurred to him to woo Felix the traditional way, with dates and flowers and special gifts.

 _Would Felix like flowers? He’d appreciate the gesture, but does he care about flowers at all? Maybe he’d like chocolates, or a teddy bear, or something cute like that. What about a date? How could I make it romantic when we already go out to eat together all the time_?

Why hadn’t he figured out a proper date yet? Romance was what Felix deserved, and Chan was already a few weeks late.

“ _I think hyung is romantic when it comes to Stays,_ ” Seungmin was saying, gesturing over to Chan. _“He always flirts with them on his live streams. He calls them his_ ‘baby girls’.”

“ _That’s what they are!”_ he defended, trying to shake off his worried thoughts. _“They make me shy, though. I don’t think I’m very romantic… but I’ll work hard on improving my romance skills_ ,” he said, and shot the camera a cheesy wink while the others cheered him on. Felix was laughing, deep and real and adorable, and when their eyes met Chan could feel his ears burning.

“ _You can practice on me,”_ said Jisung, batting his eyelashes and pouting at Chan. At that point the interview was officially blown, and not a single question drew a serious answer afterward (when asked ‘ _What’s the first thing you do when you get home?_ ’, Hyunjin said, ‘ _I close the door_ ’) and Chan was able to let the guys take over while he ruminated.

It wouldn’t be anything fancy, or wildly exciting, but he had to try to show Felix he was serious, that _they_ were serious, and that they could have some semblance of a love life despite their myriad of restrictions and rules.

After all, it was what he deserved.

  
  


_“Please, you guys? I’m literally offering to pay. I don’t understand why you’re saying no.”_

_“We’re saying no because you’re only buying us dinner so you can bone Felix.”_ Minho’s expression was judgemental, but there was amusement hiding under his scowl. Chan knew him too well.

 _“I’m not going to ‘bone Felix’,”_ Chan tried arguing, but they weren’t about to let him finish.

“ _You’re totally gonna bang him,_ ” Hyunjin insisted, to which the others loudly agreed. _“You have a look in your eye._ ”

“ _Oh yeah? What about_ this _look?_ ” He tried to look as murderous as possible, but everyone laughed, so he probably failed miserably.

“ _Why can’t you just bang him wherever you normally do? We’ve never seen anything, so I assumed you have some hidden spot somewhere_ ,” said Seungmin, always the pragmatist.

“ _I think Lix is the one with the hidden spot,_ ” said Jisung, and Chan shoved him over without thinking twice.

“ _We don’t have a hidden spot, and we don’t ‘bang’, I just want to eat dinner with Felix and spend time alone with him, so if you guys could stop making this difficult--_ ”

“ _You haven’t fucked yet???”_ Somehow this was the most surprising thing they’d ever heard, and there was chaos for a minute with everyone shouting their dirty questions while Jeongin held his hands over his ears and yelled “ _I’m deaf, I’m deaf, I’m deaf and I can't hear you!_ ”

“ _Everyone shut up! Felix will be done with his shower soon, and I want this to be a surprise. Please, you guys? Just stay out of the dorm for a few hours tomorrow night, that’s all I ask.”_

All six of them made conspiratorial eye contact, then Minho nodded.

 _“Fine,_ ” he said. _“But no sex in any of the common areas, beds only. And by beds, I mean yours, Felix’s, or Changbin’s_.”

“ _Excuse me?”_ They all laughed at Changbin’s horrified face, but Chan just counted himself lucky and didn’t push the issue further. His bank account was about to take a huge hit, but it would be worth it to make Felix happy.

Pretty much anything was worth it, if Felix smiled.

~

The next day, Felix practically begged him to come along on his shopping trip.

“I’m gonna get stuff for cookies, and I wanted your opinion on what kind of chips to buy. Chocolate chips are always good, but they have butterscotch ones, too. And some kind of peanut butter thing? I need your advice,” he said, making puppy eyes and melting Chan’s brain just a little.

“I have to do a little work here,” he lied, petting Felix’s hair. “I’m sure whatever you choose will be delicious.”

“More work?” Felix said, looking put out but obviously trying not to complain too much about it. “Okay, but if the cookies turn out bad, I’ll have to blame you.”

“And I’ll accept that blame. Now go, baby. I’ll be here when you get back, and we’ll make them together, okay?”

“Fine, but if you’re not done working by then, I’m stealing your laptop.”

“I’d like to see you try, little one.”

Felix stuck out his tongue, pulled on a hoodie, and left Chan alone in their room with his nervous heart.

“ _He’s gone, should we go now?”_ Jeongin’s head popped into the doorway.

“ _Don’t forget, we’re not leaving without your card, Mr. Moneybags_ ,” Minho called from the living room. Chan dug out his credit card and handed it to Jeongin. He tried to tell him to be careful with it but he was already holding it high in the air, racing down the hall. 

“ _I_ _got it, guys! Let’s go crazy!_ ”

 _“I’m only buying dinner, assholes! If I see any other charges, you’ll all be in big trouble_.”

“ _Sure, sure, hyung. Have fun! But not too much!_ ” They were filing out the door in a no time, jackets haphazard and talking a mile a minute about what to eat. With them gone, the dorm felt huge and empty and decidedly unromantic. Chan turned into a human whirlwind, cleaning up the kitchen so they could make cookies and then tackling the living room. He cleared the coffee table and placed candles everywhere, turning the lights down low. Even their familiar old living room was romantic in the flickering light, and the roses he took from their hiding place in his closet looked perfect there on the table, even if the ‘vase’ was just an old glass jar he’d found shoved into the back of the cupboard.

All his cleaning only took him about thirty minutes, but he didn’t know how long Felix would be gone. And, sure enough, as he was ordering sushi on his phone ( _which kind of sushi is the most romantic_?) he heard the lock click and Felix calling out.

“You better be done with your work, _hyung_! ...Where’d you go?”

“In here,” Chan said from his spot on the couch, and he watched anxiously as Felix rounded the corner, eyes widening at the sight before him: lights low, candles glowing from every flat surface, roses on the table, and Chan in the middle of it all, holding his own knees and biting his lip.

“Is this you practicing romance?” Felix asked, looking like he already knew the answer. The love emanating from his fond expression heated Chan from head to toe.

“I just figured we haven’t really had an actual date,” he replied. Felix hadn’t moved from where he stood, and Chan was going to start sweating any second. “I know I should take you out, like to a restaurant or something, but I didn’t really know how to do that without making it super obvious, and so, I guess, uh. Yeah. This is me practicing romance,” he finished, feeling his ears going red.

Felix still hadn’t moved, or said anything.

“I ordered sushi,” Chan added, apropos of nothing.

“I love sushi,” Felix said, finally coming to the couch and sitting down next to Chan. “And I love you.” They drew together like magnets and kissed in the quiet, warm light. “Did you kick everyone out, or are they just hiding?”

“I’m buying them dinner,” said Chan, feeling a phantom pain for his bank account. “They’ll be gone for a few hours.”

“Ah, so I guess we’re not going to be making cookies, then?” Felix said with a dirty smirk. “You probably have something else planned if you wanted everyone gone…”

“Oh yeah,” he said, “I have big plans. Thought we’d pick a movie, eat sushi, maybe talk a little, and _then…_ make cookies.”

Felix kissed him again, still smiling. “Good. I really, really wanted to make cookies.”

The sushi had come and been half eaten before they realized they never picked a movie. Felix was just being too funny, making Chan nearly fall off the couch from laughing too hard. Then Chan showed him a new _aegyo_ he was thinking of unveiling soon, and Felix got up and threatened to leave, which made them both laugh again, and it took several minutes for them to calm down enough to keep eating.

“Can’t believe the guys agreed to leave the dorm,” Felix said around a piece of salmon. 

“They’re easily bribed with free food, you know that,” said Chan, shrugging. “It seemed like they were willing, they just wanted to give me a hard time first.”

“I guess I keep waiting for them to be mad. I mean, Changbin was a little upset that he had to hear us, uh. You know. But so far they’re just pretending like everything is normal, even though I _know_ they know.”

“Uh… yeah… they definitely know.”

“What did you tell them?” Felix was suddenly suspicious, narrowing his eyes and trying to look scary. The effect was ruined by the stray piece of rice stuck to his cheek.

“Nothing! They just make a lot of assumptions about us. Like, a _lot_. But don’t worry, Lix. They’re not going to be mad, trust me. I think they’re happy for us, in their own weird way.” He wiped away the rice with his thumb and held it up. “Make a wish!”

Felix grabbed his hand and picked off the rice, flicking it into an empty sushi container and rolling his eyes. “You’re so dumb,” he said, but the way he said it sounded a lot like “I love you”, so Chan didn’t protest.

“I guess it’s pretty lucky that the others don’t mind,” he went on, looking around the empty, dimly lit dorm like all of them were sitting there and listening in. “It could be bad if we had to hide it from them, too.”

“We would work something out,” said Chan. He didn’t even have to think -- of course they would make it work.

“Yeah, I guess. But it’s weird how things happen. We could be in a group with a bunch of homophobes, you know? But instead… I don’t know. It still freaks me out that we ended up here. What if we’d never left Australia? We never would have met.”

Chan shook his head. “We’d meet each other,” he said with easy confidence.

Felix cocked his head to one side, eyes full of affection. “Are you sure? Sydney is pretty fucking big,” he said.

“So is Seoul,” Chan countered. “It could happen. Maybe we’d meet in uni.”

“Oh man,” said Felix, giggling and leaning back on the couch. “I’d have a _huge_ crush on you. You’d be the captain of the swim team, don’t deny it. I would secretly go to all your meets and watch you every time you’d get out of the water.”

“And you’d be the ridiculously cute boy in my boring lecture class that I’d be too shy to ask out.”

“Nah,” Felix dismissed immediately. “You would ask me out. You’d be a total jock, over-confident.”

“What! I’m being slandered,” Chan said, trying to frown but too drunk on happiness to properly fake outrage. “You really think I’d make the first move?”

“Yup. You would ask me out after class one day,” Felix said with a dreamy look in his eyes. “And take me to the beach in your shitty old car. I’d throw sand on you, and then you’d kiss me, and we would both fall madly in love.”

Chan had a sneaking suspicion that Felix had thought about this before. “Hmm. Well, I’m glad you have confidence in me,” he said. “Personally I think I’d be way too overwhelmed by your cuteness to approach you first.”

“Yeah?” Felix started to play with Chan’s fingers, face turning pink.

“Oh yeah. Those freckles? Game over, babe.”

Felix didn’t have a witty response to that, choosing instead to fall to the side and bury his face in Chan’s chest, groaning like he was in physical pain. “Why do you say stuff like that,” he mumbled, not really asking, just expressing his embarrassment at being praised.

“Get used to it, sunshine.”

“I don’t think I ever will,” he said into Chan’s shirt. “Makes me feel all mushy inside.”

“Mushy?”

“Yeah, like... squishy.”

Chan’s heart was going to burst. “Cute,” was all he could say, though ‘cute’ hardly seemed like enough. He wrapped his arms around Felix’s shoulders, holding him there for a minute in calm quiet.

After the silence, Felix whispered, “You really think we’d find each other? No matter where, or when?”

Chan gently brought Felix fully onto his lap and held him by the waist. “I do,” he said, gazing up with what was surely a stupid-in-love expression, because that’s how he felt. “I think we’re meant for each other. I know that’s kind of ridiculous, but I can’t help feeling that way. I think I’d always find you, and you’d find me.”

Felix smiled and started playing with the short hairs on the back of Chan’s neck. “It would be a lot easier the other way, right? If we were just students or whatever, and could just date like… like normal.”

Chan pulled him in close and hugged tight, listening to the steady beating rhythm of his heart. “It might’ve been easier,” he admitted. Felix was holding him close to his chest, emanating warmth. “But there’s no use wondering, is there? We’re here. We’re together. It just took us a little longer than it should have. And we have the guys, and we have Stays, and we have our music and our dreams.”

“I know,” said Felix. He dropped a kiss to the top of Chan’s head, then rested his cheek there and sighed. “I just sometimes imagine it. Us being together in some other life, not having to hide…”

Chan ached. He couldn’t stop Felix from feeling this way, not the least because Chan himself felt it, too. But those thoughts would only hurt them in the long run. They needed to focus on what they had, not on what could be. He tried to pull Felix out of his longing.

“In these other lives, we live in Australia? You never imagine us being here in Korea? What about Canada? What do you have against maple syrup, mate?” There were giggles just like he was expecting, and he felt some of the tension drain from Felix’s body as he relaxed into Chan, pulling back enough to meet his gaze.

“Hmm, maybe I’ll have to throw a Canadian daydream into the mix.”

“Ooh! Italy? France? That could be romantic, right?”

Felix’s giggles turned into a full-on belly laugh. “Why the hell would both of us be living in France?”

“Why not? I mean, the other day I was thinking about how crazy it is… I could live anywhere. Well, not _anywhere_ , but it’s not like we all have to stay in Seoul for the rest of our lives. I can write music from anywhere, right? We’ll always _be_ Stray Kids, but eventually we’ll be too old, and all the other guys are gonna get married or whatever, and we could move if we wanted to. What’dya think Sydney will be like by then?”

Felix was apparently struck dumb by this question, and Chan stared back at him for a second before starting to worry that his sunshine was actually somehow incapable of foresight. “...babe?”

“Sorry,” Felix said meekly, looking away. “It’s just-- when you say _we_ could move, do you mean… uh.” He shuffled in Chan’s lap. “Ugh. How do I ask this?”

“Ask what? You’re kinda freaking me out.”

“Um. Ok. Um, I want a dog someday. A big one. Or two. What about you? Do you think, maybe, you’ll ever want… dogs?”

Chan could swear he heard the gears turning rustily in his own brain. “Uh, yeah? I like dogs. And I already knew you want dogs, so I assumed someday we’d get a couple...”

The smile he got in return for this flimsy, unsure answer was brighter than the sun. It almost hurt to look at, but there was no turning away. It was Felix’s whole face, every inch of him exuding happiness.

“Really? You… you were already planning on it?”

“Of course, baby. Did you think I hate dogs, or something? I’m kind of offended.”

“No, not that,” Felix said, toning down his smile into something a little less blinding. “I just didn’t know you think ahead like that. I thought only I do that.”

This boy. This head-in-the-clouds, warm, soft, boy. Chan was a goner.

“Of course I do,” he whispered, suddenly feeling like he was sharing a huge secret. “Wanna buy a house with you and pick out furniture and argue over what color to paint the walls. And adopt dogs with you. And make dinner with you. And wake up next to you every morning. Wanna get old and wrinkly with you.”

“Really?” Felix was whispering too. The room around them faded into nothing, and all Chan could see were those gorgeous smiling eyes, the freckles he had memorized so well he could see them with his eyes closed.

“Really. You know I have all these responsibilities… I chose this life and I don’t regret it, but I’m committed now. There’s a hundred things I have to consider when it comes to us. That being said… when I look into my future, you’re always there, every time. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I can’t guarantee that getting to that future is going to be easy, or fun. But I can say with my whole heart that I’ll love you, and protect you, and be by your side through it all. That’s the one thing I’m sure of.”

“Good,” said Felix, leaning in for a kiss and lingering there against Chan’s mouth. “‘Cause I’m not letting you go. You’re stuck with me.”

“Yeah? No matter where or when, like you said?”

“You know I’d follow you anywhere -- you’re Batman, I’m Robin, yeah? I just love watching you.” Here he blushed, but powered through. “When you’re writing music, when you’re taking care of us, or talking to the fans, or singing… I feel like you have this full, bright career in your future. I want to be there for it all.”

“Lix... I don’t want you to just follow me. I want you to do everything you want, and I’ll support you, baby. Want us to achieve our dreams together.”

Felix laughed loud and bright, automatically drawing a smile from Chan despite the weight of the conversation. “What if my dream is following you around?”

“Then I’ll take you with me everywhere, little one. I’ll carry you on my back.”

  
  


When the candles had been burning for too long, and all the food was gone, Chan had to come back down the earth and check the time. _Damn, they’ll probably be back soon…_

Felix noticed, and frowned. “Is it late?”

“Well… they’ll want dessert, right? I don’t mind buying us some time.”

**From: Chan - To: SKZ (8:49 PM)**

**_Hey, you guys are getting ice cream after dinner, right? Don’t eat it too fast or you’ll get brain freeze_ ** **ㅋㅋㅋ**

**From: Hyunjin - To: SKZ (8:50 PM)**

**_Gross_ **

**From: Minho - To: SKZ (8:50 PM)**

**_You owe us sooo much_ **

“I think we’re good for a bit,” said Chan, blushing when Felix pulled out his own phone and cackled at the group chat. They were both sitting on the floor after having gotten up for drinks, and now Felix tossed his phone aside and rested his head against the couch cushion, gazing over at Chan in the dim candlelight.

“And what did you have in mind?” he asked, eyes glinting. The gentle comfort in which Chan had been reveling for the past hour or so quickly turned into something hotter, and all it took was a look from Felix.

“Well, I was thinking I would take you to bed, get all those clothes off…”

“Yeah,” Felix said with a demure smile. “You should do that.”

“Yeah, would you like that? What else would you like? Want me to use my tongue on you again?”

“Oh, uh,” he stuttered, flustered. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Please, babe? Don’t you want me to?”

Felix’s freckled cheeks reddened. He couldn’t meet Chan’s eyes, looking at his own hands. “You _want_ to do it?”

“I don’t mean to pressure you, if you don’t want it. I just thought you liked it. It seemed like you liked it… I mean, you were the one who asked me to. Of course, you can change your mind about wanting it, just because you asked once doesn’t mean--” Chan rushed to add, but Felix cut him off.

“Sorry, dunno why I’m being shy now. I just didn’t expect _you_ to ask _me_. I thought if I wanted you to, uh. Eat me out. Thought I’d be the one asking.”

Chan reached for his hands and held them loosely, warm in his grasp. “Is it so weird that I liked doing it? Loved getting you all spread out like that, when I could have my hands all over you… loved the way you trembled, and moaned...” He trailed off with a grin when he noticed Felix’s squirming embarrassment. “And, not to be too graphic, but it was just super hot, being all up in there. I really liked the way your little hole felt on my tongue.”

“Mmfh, shut up!” Felix tugged his hands away and hid his face.

Chan giggled at him, but persisted. “Honestly, the reason I liked it is because _you_ liked it. That’s all I want, you know? That’s what I fantasize about. Makes me feel good, knowing that I can make you feel good. And you getting pleasure from something so… _naughty._ How could I not want to do it?”

“It _did_ feel really good,” said Felix, dropping his gaze and playing with a loose thread on his shirt. “I mean, just beyond what it actually felt like. Made me feel hot all over. Knowing that you were doing _that_. And I really liked having you, like… holding me down.”

Chan simply looked at him for a second, taking it all in. Then he leaned forward, kissing plump lips softly once, lingering there a moment. Felix sighed and melted into him, and their kisses melted into one another, and warmth bloomed like ink through water until it colored every cell in his body and his heartbeat was _Felix, Felix, Felix_.

“Will you let me pleasure you, baby?” he whispered against those wet, red lips. Felix just nodded, bringing his arms up to Chan’s shoulders.

“Take me to bed, _hyung_.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any mistakes or inconsistencies.. it is 4 AM. I hope you enjoy this smut-writing journey with me, as I'm learning along the way! Remember to always use protection, ya'll! Fanfic is not real life, STDS are.  
> <3

How did Felix do it? How did the look in his eyes, the smell of his skin, or the quirk of his hips make Chan lose his head so quick? All he could do was bury his nose in that pretty neck and breathe in deep, trying to calm himself but only making everything hotter, less contained, more and more urgent by the second.

“ _Hyung,_ the candles,” said Felix, still holding Chan tight around the shoulders and dropping little kisses to his cheek, his ear, his hair.

“They’ll be fine,” he murmured. Felix smelled _so_ good, like soap and sugar and a little hint of sweat, and something indescribable that he knew well from all those nights of sleeping right behind him, nose pressed to the base of his neck. Chan wanted to wrap himself up in it forever, but he contented himself with pressing his body as close as possible and holding on tight.

“No way,” Felix giggled, shoving Chan away just a little. “We’re _not_ burning down the dorm tonight.” He untangled himself and went about the living room, leaning in to blow out each candle and sending silky gray smoke swirling up into the room. Chan was left to stand there by the couch, unable to understand how Felix could calmly clean up the room when he himself was so wound up with lust, so unable to think of anything else. Who cared if the dorm burnt down? Would it really be so bad?

Felix finished and came back, kissing him softly on the lips. “You look like you’re gonna eat me,” he said with a smile. Clearly, he wasn’t afraid of it.

Chan held him by the hips and looked him up and down. No matter what he wore he looked unbearably seductive, without even trying. Here he was in ripped jeans and an oversized yellow sweater with daisies embroidered all over, and all Chan could see was an angel in disguise, sent from hell to tempt him into sin over and over again.

“You don’t even know what you do to me, do you?”

Felix hummed, considering. “I might be able to guess,” he said. He ran a hand down Chan’s chest and further down again, brushing fingers against the front of his jeans. “Let’s go.” Chan could do nothing but follow, led by a small, warm hand and shy glances thrown back now and then.

Once they were in their room, Felix locked the door and leaned against it, hands behind his back. Chan came forward to kiss him, but Felix shook his head.

“Lie down,” he said, and Chan obeyed, propping himself up on his elbows. Felix’s smile was slight, crooked, and a little mischievous. “You _still_ look like you’re going to eat me,” he said, swaying his hips back and forth, drawing Chan’s eyes downward. “I love it.”

“Love how I look at you?” Chan had no idea how he looked when he was watching Felix. He could only guess from what he felt, and what he felt was desire so strong it made him wonder if he was some kind of creep.

_But if he really does like it..._

“Mmhm. Want you to just watch, for a second.” He pushed off from the door and took a step toward the bed, then stopped. Playing with the hem of his sweatshirt, he pulled it up enough to show Chan that he wasn’t wearing anything underneath, that his jeans were hanging just below the band of his underwear, that his abs were hiding because of all the sushi he’d eaten, his stomach a little round and looking very, _very_ cute. His smile was gone; instead, his expression was sharp, dark, almost intimidating in its power over Chan.

“Want me to take it off?”

“Please,” said Chan in a voice barely louder than a whisper. He was already hard in his jeans and Felix hadn’t even done anything, only _hinted_ at doing something. Felix could have asked anything of him at that moment and he would have done it. _Hyung, write a song about me. Hyung, buy me a mansion. Hyung, get on your knees_ \--

In seconds the cheery yellow sweater was on the floor, forgotten in favor of all that bare skin suddenly there in the glow of the streetlights spilling through the window. Felix was lean and strong: a slim, tapered waist and wiry arms wrapped in soft skin, tan and smooth and infinitely kissable. Chan sat up, about to get out of bed but Felix stopped him.

“No, _hyung_ , stay there. Not done yet.”

“You’re so pretty,” he said, helpless. Felix didn’t reply. He stared, holding eye contact as he unzipped his jeans. He opened them just enough to reveal his tight, black underwear and rubbed at the bulge there with his palm.

“Mmm… you make me so _wet_ \--”

Chan couldn’t stand it anymore. He swung his legs around so he was sitting on the edge of the bed and reached for Felix’s hips, pulling him in until he was standing between Chan’s knees, fly still wide open. This close, Chan could see the already dark fabric of his underwear growing darker where Felix was leaking.

_Is it creepy to smell him? Probably, but..._

_Fuck it._

He shoved his face up against the hardness rapidly forming and breathed in deep. The smell was sweat and musk and pure masculinity, and it set a fire deep in Chan’s stomach. He heard a raspy growl and was surprised to realize it came from his own mouth.

Felix’s hands came down to tangle in his hair as he rubbed his cheek back and forth, still taking deep breaths through his nose on each pass. Above him were gasps, and cut-off moans, and Felix’s hands were flexing and pulling and making Chan’s whole scalp tingle.

“Wait, gonna finish taking my clothes off…”

“Let me, sweetheart,” said Chan, already reaching for the waistband and pulling both jeans and underwear down his slender hips, holding each leg steady as Felix balanced, leaning over to get his feet free and throw the pants aside. Immediately Chan had himself a lapful of warm, naked Felix as arms wrapped around his neck and lips came down to kiss, wet and warm and slow.

Just as soon as Chan had run his hands over every inch in reach, marveling over the way the dense solidity of his muscles softened into the curve of his side, or the curve of thigh meeting buttock, Felix was out of his lap again and kneeling down on the floor.

The smile Felix gave to him then, running his hands all over Chan’s thighs, was one that always looked predatory when he was in full makeup, eyes dark and lined to points, cheeks painted and powdered pale, but the effect was entirely different when he was barefaced. Rather than narrowing to a hunter’s squint, his eyes crinkled at the corners, freckles gathering and smooshing together. His cheeks were dappled red and constellation-dotted. He looked like home, because this was how _Felix_ looked at home, and Felix _was_ home.

Chan reached a hand down to cup Felix’s cheek, thumbing at his freckles and smiling back. “Want something, gorgeous?”

He got eager nods in return, and wandering hands finally reaching for his zipper. Chan lifted his hips and helped Felix remove his pants, stripping off his shirt in the meantime, too.

“Wanted this,” Felix breathed, grasping his cock the second it was free. It stole Chan’s breath right from his lungs. He was never going to get over how he looked in those small hands. “Wanted to say thank you for dinner,” Felix went on, with a tinge of humor coloring his deep voice, running his hand slowly up and back down. He squeezed the base once, looking down at it with plump lips parted and then, eyes flicking up to meet Chan’s, lowered his head down to mouth sloppily at the head.

It was as though his entire existence, his entire perception of his own body, narrowed down to the feeling of Felix’s mouth, small and wet and hot. Shivers erupted across his skin.

“That’s so fucking good, baby, so good at that…”

“Mmmph--” Felix pulled off for a second, hand still pumping. “Want to get better at it. You’ll let me practice, won’t you?”

Chan’s head was spinning. “Anytime you want, Lix, I promise.” Felix put his mouth back to work, this time licking wide stripes up from the base. He moved his hand from its grip to cup down below with a tender, measuring squeeze.

“Big everywhere,” said Felix with a smug satisfaction. “I’ve noticed when you cum, it’s a _lot_. I love when you get it all over me.” He licked all the way up, lingering at the head, pushing his lips over it back and forth. “Been thinking about something, lately. Been wondering… if I would be able to feel it if you came inside of me…”

Oh, Chan was going to lose his goddamn mind. “Oh, fuck, I don’t know, baby. We can find out,” he gasped out, falling to one elbow but not looking away. His gaze was riveted, fixed on Felix’s mouth as if by an invisible thread, held taut and vibrating with the tension between them. “Do you, uh-- Do you play with yourself down there?”

It was as if all Felix’s sly confidence drained out of him at once. He sat back on his heels, keeping one hand on Chan but dropping his eyes away.

“Sometimes,” he said. “Only after we got together. But I get too nervous to go too far in.”

“It feels good, though? Do you like it?” The image of Felix hiding under his blanket, or cloaked in steam from the shower, reaching back and pushing those short, chubby little fingers into himself, _dear god_ …

“Yeah, feels good…” Felix stroked his hand up and down almost absentmindedly, shifting on his knees and blushing a little. “Especially right around, like… _right_ inside. If I kinda rub it.”

“I can do that for you, baby, and go even deeper if you want. Would you like that?” The hand slowly moving over him was just enough to send little sparks flying through his gut and down his legs, all the way to his feet. Just enough to tease, to keep him on edge.

“Yeah _, hyung_ , want it,” he said, looking at Chan again and grinning. “But first…” He returned his mouth to Chan’s cock, this time with no reservations, only eagerness to please. Rather than just teasing at the head, he took in as much as he could without choking (which wasn’t very much, but Chan wasn’t complaining -- the way Felix looked with his mouth stuffed full of too much cock was unreal) and set about bobbing up and down, saliva dripping from the corners of his mouth and down the shaft.

Chan’s elbow gave out at that point and he collapsed back onto the bed, feet planted on the floor. He swore he was floating inches above the mattress, Felix’s mouth the only thing tethering him to the physical world. Everything, absolutely _everything_ , was the feeling of wet, swirling tongue and unhurried suction. Only the distant sound of choking, then a cough, brought him back to reality. He looked up to see Felix pulling off, lips puffy and deep red, eyes heavy.

“You okay, little one?”

Felix nodded and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. “Wish I could fit it all,” he complained in a scratchy voice.

“Don’t even worry about that,” Chan said, sitting up again and stroking Felix’s hair. “What you were doing felt amazing, _so_ good.”

Felix frowned, just a little. “It’s what you _deserve_ , though. You do so much, _hyung_ , for all of us but especially for me. Wanna be the best you’ve ever had. But I don’t really know how…”

Chan had to laugh, though he wasn’t sure Felix understood the humor of what he’d said. Had he not been paying attention these last few weeks? Did he still not get it? “Come up here, sweetheart,” he said, dragging himself up to lie down lengthwise on the bed and patting the blanket next to him. Felix crawled beside him and lay halfway on him, their legs tangled together. His cock left a wet trail on Chan’s thigh, which he had to ignore for just a moment while he set the boy’s mind right. “You don’t think sex with you is the best I’ve ever had? Baby, you have no idea. You blow my mind every time, and it hasn’t even been that many times.”

“But we haven’t even really… gone all the way.”

“Doesn’t matter,” said Chan, kissing Felix’s forehead and secretly taking a smell of his hair, too (verbena, crisp citrus). “Nobody else I’ve been with has been you. You blow them all out of the water just by existing.” It was true. Chan wasn’t one for casual sex, but over the years he’d been involved with a few people here or there. They had been special, important to him in their own way, but nothing even close to Felix.

Felix blushed, biting his lip. “But if we _did_ go all the way… ?”

Chan hadn’t had much time to soften during their quiet conversation, but he was brought back to full, throbbing stiffness by those words. With a groan he slid out from under Felix, keeping him face down with a hand across his shoulder blades. He kissed both shoulders, then straight down the indent of his spine, hands resting on either side of that slender waist. He licked at the freckles on Felix’s lower back, noting the way it made him shiver. Nose to the base of his spine, Chan stopped for a second and listened to the heavy breathing filling their room.

“ _Channie-hyung?_ Wait a second… there’s something in my bag, in the little pocket inside…”

“Hmm?” He sat up and looked over the side of the bed to where Felix’s black bag, the one he took with him on all their schedules, rested on the floor. Reaching over, he unzipped it. Inside the hidden pocket were headphones, hand sanitizer, and… lube? A small bottle, unopened. And what looked like a condom wrapper, but a little too big.

“Yeah, those,” said Felix, also looking over the edge.

“You carry this around with you?” If he sounded incredulous, it was because he really couldn’t believe his sweet little sunshine was, apparently, planning on them having sex somewhere in public. _Naughty boy_ … 

Felix lay back down on his front, glancing back at Chan under his arm. “I’ll tell you all about my fantasies another time,” he said, smiling. “I just thought if you were gonna-- you know. I wanted to clean up a little.”

Chan looked down at what he’d thought was a condom. It was some kind of wet wipe, but labelled for ‘sensual play’. “Where did you even get these?”

“Online, duh. Gimme it.”

“Nah, I’ll do it, little one.” He ripped it open and unfolded the damp fabric. It didn’t smell like anything, and hopefully wouldn’t taste of anything either. Chan didn’t want any other flavor getting in the way of the taste of Felix’s skin. Gently but thoroughly he cleaned all over, finally zeroing in on the puckered, twitching hole. He rubbed at it for a moment, more to bring pleasure than anything else. When it seemed like Felix was comfortable with the level of cleanliness he tossed the wet wipe off to the side and settled in again, laying flat on his front.

 _Finally_ , he was getting to eat Felix out again. The one time he’d done it he thought he was going to black out, or transform irreparably into some sex-crazed beast, or maybe both. The way Lix had trembled with his whole body, and his legs had tightened around him, seeming to have lost all control over himself… it had made Chan wild. He’d wanted to eat him up completely, wanted to ravish him until he couldn’t even remember his own name.

To say he’d been hoping Felix would be down for another round was an understatement.

He started slow, licking over Felix’s hole with his tongue flat and pressing a thumb against his perineum, rubbing just enough to get a hint of stimulation at his prostate from the outside.

“Ah…” Felix’s moans were low, gravely. They rumbled in his chest and set Chan’s heart racing. He couldn’t help feeling a little feral. He lost himself in it for a minute, getting Felix so wet that spit dripped down to his balls. Chan sucked at his entrance until he felt him trembling, then licked over it in messy swipes.

After a few minutes of this, those deep groans started to pitch up, shaky and desperate. Felix’s hips shoved backwards, and Chan gripped them tight to keep him still. The boy was clearly losing himself in the pleasure of it all; Chan could hardly believe that he liked it so much.

“Ah, ahh… feels so good, love it so much, _hyung_ …”

The hint of a whine in his voice was all it took to push Chan to the next step.

“Can I try fingering you?” he asked in between sloppy passes of his tongue. He rubbed the pad of his index finger against Felix’s wet hole, watching it twitch and contract under the pressure.

“God, yes. Yes, _please_ \--”

Chan straightened up on his knees and helped Felix flip over, laying him on his back and arranging a pillow under his head. He looked -- well, he looked lewd: face flushed, chest heaving, cock hard and dripping wet. Under Chan’s gaze he spread his bent legs like he was born to do it, and Chan was reminded that he, too, was so hard it hurt.

He took the lube from where it had been laying on the bed, cursing at the plastic wrap while Felix watched him, eyes disconcertingly wide, dark, limpid. Once he’d managed to open the bottle and coat two fingers, Chan was struck with the enormity of the situation. They’d been having (what Chan counted as) sex, but up until this point he hadn’t felt the nervousness of needing it to be _perfect_ for Felix. They were entering territory now that was potentially painful, or at the very least uncomfortable if done incorrectly.

“You have to let me know if it hurts,” Chan said, rubbing his fingers against Felix and slicking him up, not pushing in just yet. “Or if you don’t like it, or if it’s too weird or uncomfortable. Promise you’ll tell me?”

“I promise,” said Felix, not sounding the least bit anxious. Rather, he was looking up at Chan with complete trust, just waiting.

Chan leaned in for a forehead kiss and stayed there for a second, breathing in Felix’s comforting scent.

“Okay,” he said, settling back on his heels again. “I’m gonna do one finger to start with. Take a few deep breaths for me, little one.” Felix did, and Chan could see his whole body relax. _Such a good boy._

The tip of his finger went in easily enough, aided by the copious amount of lube everywhere. Felix was burning hot inside, and tight around Chan’s fingertip.

Suddenly, it was getting a little hard to breathe.

He twisted his finger, rubbing just inside the rim and keeping a careful eye on Felix’s face -- his mouth was hanging open, looking down at himself, forehead crinkled slightly as though he’d heard a confusing math problem.

Chan felt his gaze dragged magnetically downward as he slowly started pushing his finger further in. He didn’t stop until it was all the way inside.

“Mm--”

“Doing okay, baby?” Chan ran his free hand up Felix’s stomach, rubbing at it in a way he hoped was relaxing, soothing.

“Never got that far in before,” was all he said, but he didn’t sound like he was in pain. Just a little out of breath, maybe. Chan waited for a second, then started to pull his finger out, and back in. He did this a few times until he felt Felix’s muscles start to give way, loosening almost imperceptibly.

Chan experimented with crooking his finger up, rubbing more pointedly at his smooth, soft walls and searching for the little bump he knew was hiding somewhere.

 _Not_ too _deep in, toward his stomach, should be somewhere here--_

“Oh? Ooh, fuck!” Felix’s cock jumped, and a distinct bead of precum pulsed out onto his stomach. “Oh god, was that… ?”

“Right here?” Chan rubbed at it again, feeling his breath being forced from his lungs at the sensation of Felix squeezing his finger tight as a vise, jaw dropping down and eyes clamping shut.

“ _Right_ there, holy shit, that’s perfect. Ahh--” He was leaking at a steady pace now, slick wetness glistening all over his abdomen, and Chan moved his head down as though possessed, licking it up with a groan and fucking his finger in and out faster and faster.

“You’re so soft and warm and _tight_ , little one, can’t get enough of you. Do you think you can take another finger?”

“Uh-huh, want another,” he slurred. Chan quickly fit his middle finger alongside the other, pushing both inside. He could feel Felix’s hole stretching to accommodate them, and glanced up with concern. But Felix was gasping and moaning and gripping Chan’s thigh, trying to pull him even closer.

Once he was able to smoothly push both fingers all the way in and back out again, he rested his cheek on Felix’s stomach as he played gently with his prostate, enamored of the way his muscles shifted, the way his whole body seemed to want to wrap around Chan, the way his thighs shook. A steady stream of moans, whining pleas, and filthy obscenities fell from that pretty mouth, not quite loud enough to obscure the wet sounds Chan’s fingers were making.

If Felix was squeezing this tight around just two fingers, well… Chan was powerless to stop this train of thought. It consumed him, even as he focused on carefully and gently playing with Felix’s hole, smoothing his fingers in and out, crooking them and rubbing against the walls. They were practically sucked inside, and clung tight when he withdrew. His cock throbbed with need, and he tried to ignore it but felt increasingly unable to.

“Fuck, baby,” he forced out through the red haze in his mind. He stretched his fingers apart, spreading Felix’s hole wide open and eliciting a breathy moan. “I can’t… do you think we could try… ?”

 _“Yes_ , please… want you inside…”

 _This is happening, it’s really happening, oh fuck this is happening--_ Chan pushed down his inner panic and focused on the pure enthusiasm coursing through his veins. He took another pillow and put it under Felix’s hips, pulling him gently by the thighs until they were as close as possible. Felix had the lube in hand already and was pouring some into his palm.

“Can I… ?” Without waiting for an answer he grasped Chan’s cock, slicking it up from root to tip. Chan had to clench his jaw and fight the urge to thrust his hips forward, but finally they both were ready. Holding Felix’s ankle in his left hand, he gripped himself in his right and pressed the head against the fluttering, wet hole. He could feel resistance, and hesitated.

“Keep going,” murmured Felix, holding his legs open by the backs of his thighs. So Chan did, and pushed past the initial ring of muscle.

They both gasped, loud. The sight of his cock being swallowed up, centimeter by centimeter, was almost too much to bear. Chan couldn’t breathe, his heart pounded against his chest. The tightness was unbelievable, like nothing he’d ever felt.

“Is it-- are you okay?”

“Mmm, gimme a sec…”

“Fuck, sorry,” said Chan, shame piercing through the veil of pleasure. The last thing he’d wanted to do was hurt his sunshine, his little one.

Felix laughed -- Chan felt it as much as he heard it -- and laid a hand reassuringly on his arm. “I’m fine, you’re just _really_ big. Took my breath away for a second, there.”

Chan didn’t understand how he was breathing at all. His own chest was tight, constricted, desperate for air.

Felix wiggled a little on his pillow, inadvertently taking Chan deeper. “Okay, okay… keep going…” He kept his face scrunched up, enough to make Chan worry, until it was about halfway in. Then, as though floodgates had been opened, his face relaxed, hands falling to the bed, and Chan was pushing all the way inside in one shove that wrenched a cry from them both.

“Oh my god,” Chan gasped. Even to himself his voice was unrecognizable, too deep and raspy and hungry. “Look at that, baby, look how good you take it, _fuck_.” The view was breathtaking: Felix was folded up beneath him, legs spread wide, mouth open and drooling. He had one small hand at his stomach, and Chan realized he was rubbing roughly where the head of his cock would be, buried deep.

“I can feel you all the way inside,” he said, voice high with wonder, with ecstasy. “God, I didn’t know it would feel like _this_ …”

“How’s it feel, good? You like it, little one?” He pulled out halfway, then slowly pushed his way back in. It really was a _push_ ; Felix was so incredibly tight. Only the slow, dragging speed kept Chan from cumming immediately.

“I love it,” he groaned in reply. “Can feel you on my… on that. That spot,” he said, and Chan knew he’d be blushing if he wasn’t already flushed down to his chest. It was just like Felix to be so alluringly sexy while maintaining an earnest shyness.

He already knew he wasn’t going to last long, so he focused all his energy on getting Felix off, starting a steadier pace, keeping near-constant pressure on his prostate. It worked: Felix was making noises Chan had never heard before, high-pitched whines that sounded like they were being forced from his throat with each deep thrust.

Without even noticing, he started fucking him harder, faster, hands grasping at the sheets. He leaned down and lapped at one of Felix’s nipples, sucking hard when he heard him shuddering, breath unsteady and hands tugging hair.

“Ah, ah! Oh, fuck, don’t stop… I think-- I think I’m gonna cum?”

Chan wrapped Felix up in both arms, holding him close and getting as deep inside with each thrust as he could. He could feel wet, sticky hardness rubbing against his stomach, jumping and twitching.

“Love you so much,” he whispered right into Felix’s ear, fighting for breath but desperate with the need to tell him everything that was in his heart. “You’re so perfect, so beautiful, make me feel _so fucking good_ …”

“ _Hyung! Hyung,_ gonna--”

“Oh fuck yes, baby, fucking cum for me, little one, my sweet baby, gorgeous boy,” he babbled as he felt Felix tightening around him again and again, squeezing from deep inside, driving him unbearably closer with each millisecond.

With a wordless cry Felix came, body shaking uncontrollably, and Chan couldn’t stop himself in time, shoving all the way in and coming hard, shouting loud enough for even the neighbors to hear, two, three warm pulses inside. And then, all he could do was collapse onto the shuddering warmth beneath him as they both gasped for air.

As their sweat dried, Chan came back down the earth, the room around them returning to sharp normalcy. He noticed the heater clicking on and the sound of people yelling and laughing from outside the dorm, down the hall.

“Think that’s the guys?” asked Felix. He sounded terribly normal despite what had just happened, but when Chan lifted his head to look he saw the blissed-out expression on his face, milky white cum all over his abdomen, and he felt like he could’ve gotten hard all over again.

“Ah, damn. I told them I wasn’t trying fuck you tonight,” he confessed, and Felix laughed brightly. Chan was filled with the need to look at his smiling face and hold him close, breathe in the warm air rising off his skin.

“Did they believe you?”

The familiar sound of the front door slamming shut came through their bedroom door, and then:

 _“Is it safe to come into the dorm? You guys done banging?_ ”

Felix made an exaggerated scoff of indignation and turned to Chan, shaking his head. 

“I don’t think they believed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if the wet wipe ruined the mood... I'm too old to pretend that buttholes ain't buttholes
> 
> EDIT 14th DECEMBER '20: Hi everyone; thanks for the lovely comments and for liking my work! I'd planned to have at least one more out by now (if not TWO), but thanks to the quarantine my mental health has taken a dive *** sooooooo... my head has no room for creativity. I hope to get back to writing soon. <3 Thanks again <3


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